


Please

by AnneMcSommers



Series: Queliot Week 2020 [1]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Angst, Hurt No Comfort, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:00:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27680377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnneMcSommers/pseuds/AnneMcSommers
Summary: Day 3:  That Wasn't BraveAfter the funeral, at the wake Eliot has a few things left he wants to say to Quentin.
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Series: Queliot Week 2020 [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2024123
Comments: 2
Kudos: 29





	Please

Everyone had long since abandoned the first and gone back inside the cottage. Eliot looked around the room at his friends and all he saw was what was missing. Who was missing. They sat close to one another, drinking, and telling stories about Quentin. Every story felt like another weight added to his chest, and it was slowly suffocating him. He couldn’t breath in there. He put his scotch down on the table and reached for his cane. 

Eliot shrugged off Margo’s hand on his arm and heaved himself off the couch, grimacing slightly at the pain radiating out from his abdomen. Apparently even magic couldn’t repair the damage from two axe wounds to the gut. Well it had, but not fully, according to Lipson magical wounds were special. He leaned heavily on the cane as pain spiked up from his knee. He kept walking though, he had to get out of there. He made it as far as the fire, still warm but dying out for lack of fuel. There was wood a few feet away, but he didn’t add any.

He sat down heavily, in the same spot he had a few hours before, slightly colder now, alone, in the not quite dark. He stared at the dwindling flames, flickering out in the building wind. “That wasn’t brave.” He said quietly, looking down.

Then he said it again louder. “That wasn’t brave. They are sitting in there telling stories about you Q, Quentin the hero, and I know. I know it wasn’t bravery that made you do it. You didn’t sacrifice yourself to save the world, you did it because you didn’t want to keep going. I don’t think they know; I think they really do believe it was a noble sacrifice. But I know the truth Q, and it’s killing me, because I know, its my fault.” Eliot took a ragged breath.

“It’s my fault, because when it was my turn to be brave I took the cowards way out too. You sat there and told me that you loved me, god you were so brave, and I threw it back in your face. I was scared Q, I knew, I knew I wasn’t good enough for you, not when you had other options. I had a wife, and a creepy fairy kid, and you deserved better than me, and I didn’t want to try because I knew. I knew that if we tried and I lost you, I wouldn’t be able to go on. So, I said that wasn’t you, it wasn’t me, and I pushed you away. So, I know its my fault.” Eliot sobbed.

“I loved you for a lifetime Q, and I know you, and I know that, and, and I know that if you thought there was a chance you would have fought. But you didn’t, and it was because of me, and I am so sorry, so sorry Q that you didn’t get to live long enough to give someone a chance to be brave for you. To have someone tell you that you don’t break things, you make them better. You made me better Q, and I don't know what to do without you. I don’t, I, please.” Eliot’s voice cracked on that word.

“Please, Q, if you can hear me, hear this, come back to me. Don’t go off into the peaceful hereafter, I know you deserve it. If anyone ever deserved some peace, to be happy, its you, but please don’t do it. I know I am being selfish Q, but I love you, please don’t make me live another 50 years without you, please.” He couldn’t continue, and sat there, sobbing, tears running down his face as he got colder and colder. Staring in the darkness at the embers of a dead fire hoping against hope that Quentin would do the impossible, that he would come back.

**Author's Note:**

> This would not leave me alone, I wanted it to be a little longer, but once I hit the end, I wasn't really sure how to continue, and I didn't want to start at the bonfire, so this is it


End file.
